Jesus Christ Believed In

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Jesus Christ Believed In

ELKHART, IN—According to reports, legendary Biblical figure Jesus Christ is believed in by area resident Milton Grelskum. Grelskum, a 37-year-old machine tool operator, admits to believing that Christ is the son of Yahweh, the Hebrew God, and that Christ's crucifixion has paved the way for Grelskum to receive an eternity of peace after death. "I believe Jesus is the way, the truth and the light," Grelskum said Monday. He added that he has a "personal relationship" with Jesus, which involves conversations with the Nazarene in his mind. "I love Jesus," Grelskum said. Grelskum's friends and neighbors are jealous of Grelskum's friendship. Said co-worker Tim Judd: "The most important person I communicate with in my mind is Emperor Charlemagne, and he hasn't promised me jack squat in the afterlife."