adBlockCheck

Jets Fans, Mark Sanchez Really Hoping Shoulder Injury Rules Him Out For Rest Of Season

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Jets Fans, Mark Sanchez Really Hoping Shoulder Injury Rules Him Out For Rest Of Season

FLORHAM PARK, NJ—Longing for some good news, Jets fans reportedly joined quarterback Mark Sanchez Wednesday in expressing hope that the shoulder injury Sanchez sustained during the preseason would sideline the fifth-year veteran for the remainder of the season. “Oh man, I sure hope he’s done for the year, maybe for good,” said 34-year-old Jets fan Lou Alameda, echoing Sanchez’s stated wish for a season- or career-ending diagnosis. “Well, he’s still seeking second opinions on it, so he probably won’t take a snap against the Pats this week. Thank God. If this could somehow knock him out of commission for the long haul, though—that would honestly be perfect.” At press time, renowned orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Andrews had released a statement saying he also hoped Sanchez would never play football again.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close