adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Jets Fans, Mark Sanchez Really Hoping Shoulder Injury Rules Him Out For Rest Of Season

FLORHAM PARK, NJ—Longing for some good news, Jets fans reportedly joined quarterback Mark Sanchez Wednesday in expressing hope that the shoulder injury Sanchez sustained during the preseason would sideline the fifth-year veteran for the remainder of the season. “Oh man, I sure hope he’s done for the year, maybe for good,” said 34-year-old Jets fan Lou Alameda, echoing Sanchez’s stated wish for a season- or career-ending diagnosis. “Well, he’s still seeking second opinions on it, so he probably won’t take a snap against the Pats this week. Thank God. If this could somehow knock him out of commission for the long haul, though—that would honestly be perfect.” At press time, renowned orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Andrews had released a statement saying he also hoped Sanchez would never play football again.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close