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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Jets Offensive Line Signs Up For Continuing Education Class On Pass Blocking

NEW YORK—Sources close to the Jets offensive line confirmed the players have enrolled in a continuing education course on pass blocking, attending their first class Monday at Hunter College to receive basic instruction on quarterback protection. “We are all learning a lot, and our teacher, Mr. Muñoz, is really nice and knows what he’s talking about, even if he’s kind of old,” said left guard Vlad Ducasse, adding that he learned just today that a lineman doesn’t have to wait for a defensive player to touch him before attempting to block. “I never thought about pad level before, but it seems pretty important. We also worked on doing this pass-blocking stance where we bend our knees and keep our backs straight and lift up our arms. It’s hard because it feels more natural and less tiring to just let your arms hang at your side.” Although a few Jets offensive linemen said they were learning valuable skills and techniques that could help improve their careers, the majority agreed that pass blocking wasn’t for them.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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