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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Jews' Covenant Up For Renewal With God

Canaan—The sacred covenant made between Abraham and the Hebrew god Yahweh expired Monday, setting off a fierce round of re-negotiations between Jewish representatives and God's legal counsel. Area Jews are hoping for a contract similar to the one made 6,000 years ago with the Lord—a contract that not only made them God’s chosen people, but also included significant land incentives, most notably the Promised Land known today as Israel. "If God thinks we are just going to roll over and re-sign, that's one deity that's got another thing coming," said Hollywood superagent Mike Ovitz, who has been called in by the Jews to negotiate. "I want a package deal, with domestic and international rights. And this whole Arab thing, forget about it." God's legal team declined comment.

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