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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Jim Caldwell Provides Lions Players With Printouts Of Inspiring Halftime Speech

DETROIT—As the Detroit Lions entered the locker room Sunday following the first half of their game against the Chicago Bears, head coach Jim Caldwell reportedly provided every player with a three-page printout of an inspiring halftime speech. “Everyone, please take one,” Caldwell told players as he handed out copies of a 1,400-word, single-spaced motivational locker-room address, titled “Halftime Speech 10/18/15,” which had various words and phrases bolded or underlined for emphasis. “You have approximately 12 minutes to read it before the third quarter starts. You may begin.” After he made sure that everyone on the team had a copy, team sources confirmed that Caldwell stood quietly at the front of the locker room while the entire team read in complete silence.


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