adBlockCheck

Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
End Of Section
  • More News

Jim Calhoun's History Of Breaking The Rules And Wasting Away

Jim Calhoun was hit hard by sanctions this week after the NCAA found he committed recruiting violations by telling high school recruits he was nothing more than a pitiable old man who is going to die soon. The NCAA collected evidence for months in the process of investigating these charges. The 30-page notice of allegations included transcripts of phone calls Calhoun had with prospective recruits:

OSN analysis of the evidence suggests that Calhoun did break NCAA rules, as enumerated here:

The NCAA is also investigating some of Calhoun's sideline behavior, including frequently clutching his chest, wailing to God and dressing Associate Head Coach George Blaney as the specter of Death hovering over Calhoun's shoulder:

Though this was the first time Calhoun had come within the NCAA's sights, it is far from the first time allegations were leveled against him for misdeed related to guilting recruits and his incredible age.

  • Guarantees Donyell Marshall he will never coach him because he will be dead inside of six months.
  • Caron Butler signs a letter of intent with the Huskies after Calhoun threatens to haunt his ancestors for 1000 years if he doesn't.
  • Forward Curtis Kelly leaves the team after discovering Calhoun was not an ageless demon who could send his entire family to hell with the point of a bony finger.
  • Spends the night at Richard Hamilton's home after complaining his body was tingling and he would die if moved.
  • Asks prized Israeli recruit Doron Sheffer to take him to the Wailing Wall so that he might die in a holy place.
  • After target Brandon Bass announces his intentions to attend LSU, Calhoun calls him and sobs into the receiver for 45 minutes.
  • Interrupts a phone call with recruit Travis Knight to claim his soul is leaving his body.
  • Offers Ricky Moore the opportunity to bring a message to God when he dies if Moore chooses UConn.

For more, see OSN’s list of the most decrepit men in sports.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close