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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Jim Harbaugh Insists Michael Crabtree Has Best, Most Lickable Hands In NFL History

SAN FRANCISCO—49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, who has worked with such receiving greats as Tim Brown, Marvin Harrison, and Jerry Rice over the course of his career, found reason to praise his current top pass-catcher last week when he claimed Michael Crabtree has "far and away the most mouth-watering and lickable hands" of any receiver playing today or any he has ever coached. "Larry Fitzgerald's hands are soft and Calvin Johnson's are strong, to be sure, but Michael's are the perfect balance of sweet and savory," Harbaugh said Friday during an interview on Bay Area sports radio station KNBR-680, adding that their unique tang was a major reason Crabtree caught 72 passes in the 2011 season. "They're pretty big, too, so you have to be careful you don't gag on them." When host Kevin Lynch asked, after an extended pause, if Harbaugh was satisfied with the way Crabtree's footwork had improved over his career, Harbaugh refused comment, saying only "feet are gross."

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