adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Jim Harbaugh Insists Michael Crabtree Has Best, Most Lickable Hands In NFL History

SAN FRANCISCO—49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, who has worked with such receiving greats as Tim Brown, Marvin Harrison, and Jerry Rice over the course of his career, found reason to praise his current top pass-catcher last week when he claimed Michael Crabtree has "far and away the most mouth-watering and lickable hands" of any receiver playing today or any he has ever coached. "Larry Fitzgerald's hands are soft and Calvin Johnson's are strong, to be sure, but Michael's are the perfect balance of sweet and savory," Harbaugh said Friday during an interview on Bay Area sports radio station KNBR-680, adding that their unique tang was a major reason Crabtree caught 72 passes in the 2011 season. "They're pretty big, too, so you have to be careful you don't gag on them." When host Kevin Lynch asked, after an extended pause, if Harbaugh was satisfied with the way Crabtree's footwork had improved over his career, Harbaugh refused comment, saying only "feet are gross."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close