adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Jim Lehrer Forced To Report On His Own Botched Debate Moderator Performance On Tonight's 'NewsHour'

NEW YORK—After conducting the first of the 2012 presidential debates earlier this week, former anchor Jim Lehrer hosted PBS NewsHour’s political analysis roundtable on Friday, an appearance that forced him to discuss the quality of his widely panned performance as moderator. “The consensus among commentators is that Jim Lehrer completely lost control of this debate, failed to make the candidates adhere to its format, and generally allowed them to spend the full hour and a half reciting talking points on any subject they wished. Your thoughts?” Lehrer asked fellow commentators Mark Shields and David Brooks, both of whom agreed with their colleague’s scathing assessment of himself. “As someone who has reported on every presidential debate since 1960 and moderated 12 of them, including Wednesday night’s horribly handled contest between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, I’m simply at a loss. It was frankly painful to watch the two debaters walk all over Mr. Lehrer, and I’m sure that, in hindsight, he wishes to God he had never signed on for the job.” Shields and Brooks spent the remaining 59 minutes of the broadcast providing a wide-range of political analysis and seldom allowing Lehrer to get a word in edgewise.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close