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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Jim Leyland Accused Of Jumping On Tigers Bandwagon

DETROIT—Friends and associates of the American League manager say that, even though Jim Leyland had never rooted for the Detroit Tigers prior to this season, he "suddenly began following the team" once they started winning in early April. "In all the years I've known Jim, I don't think I have once heard him mention anything about the Tigers, but now that they're good again, he's walking around in a Tigers cap every day," said Roger Lussier, a longtime friend who noted that Leyland is not from Detroit and didn't even know who Mike Maroth was before he started the year 4-1. "Now he tells me he 'truly believes' Jeremy Bonderman is one of the best pitchers in baseball. He's such a fair-weather guy—I specifically remember him being a huge Florida Marlins fan back when they won the World Series in '97." Lussier predicted that, should the 20-13 Tigers return to form and begin to slide toward the bottom of the division, Leyland would quickly lose interest in the team.

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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