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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Jim Nantz Makes Arnold Palmer Watch Old Clips Of Himself Until He Cries

AUGUSTA, GA—During a televised tribute to 77-year-old Arnold Palmer, CBS's lead golf anchor Jim Nantz made the four-time Masters champion watch old clips of himself as a young, athletic, handsome man until Palmer broke down and cried. "Arnie, look at your swing—look at the way you used to move so powerfully yet gracefully through the ball," said Nantz, who then made the already choked-up Palmer begin to sob when he pointed out all the adoring fans cheering him on during his 1958 Masters victory. "And here, for the first time, in color, is footage of you winning the 1960 Masters. Your clothes fit you so much better. You walk down the fairways with agility. You are really at the top of your game here both physically and mentally. God, you must miss it." According to a production assistant present at the taping, Nantz denied Palmer any tissues.

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