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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Jim Rice Inducted Into Baseball Hall Of Adequacy

COPPERSTON, NJ—Former outfielder Jim Rice, a lifetime .298 hitter who played more than 1,500 games in left field for the Red Sox, managed a gentle smile Sunday as he was enshrined in Major League Baseball's Hall of Adequacy alongside such journeymen as Bill Mazeroski and Rabbit Maranville. "It doesn't matter that this came in my last year of eligibility," Rice told the fans assembled among the cars in the HoA parking lot, some of whom came from as far as Boston for the ceremony. "What's important, if anything, is that I got here eventually, and that I can get out in time to beat the traffic." When asked about his reaction upon getting the nomination from the AP Sports Wire Service Writers of America, Rice said he felt "okay."

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