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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Jim Thome Leaves Game Early With Tightness In Pants

BALTIMORE—Orioles designated hitter Jim Thome was forced to leave in the fourth inning of Sunday’s game against the Boston Red Sox after complaining about tightness in his pants. “Something just didn’t feel right and I could barely walk,” said Thome, who caused concern for teammates and coaches as he grimaced while gingerly ambling off the field. “It really pinched in the thighs and restricted movement in my legs. It even hurt to sit. I hope this doesn’t keep me out of the lineup for too long. The trainers tried to help me stretch out the fabric but it was still awfully stiff.” Thome, who has suffered from chronic trouseritis for much of his career, received good news Monday when the MRI revealed that the 42-year-old did not tear his pants.

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