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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Jim Thome Leaves Game Early With Tightness In Pants

BALTIMORE—Orioles designated hitter Jim Thome was forced to leave in the fourth inning of Sunday’s game against the Boston Red Sox after complaining about tightness in his pants. “Something just didn’t feel right and I could barely walk,” said Thome, who caused concern for teammates and coaches as he grimaced while gingerly ambling off the field. “It really pinched in the thighs and restricted movement in my legs. It even hurt to sit. I hope this doesn’t keep me out of the lineup for too long. The trainers tried to help me stretch out the fabric but it was still awfully stiff.” Thome, who has suffered from chronic trouseritis for much of his career, received good news Monday when the MRI revealed that the 42-year-old did not tear his pants.

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