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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Jimmie Johnson Disqualified After Pre-Race Inspection Reveals Car To Be Airplane

RICHMOND, VA—Following a pre-race inspection, NASCAR officials announced Friday that the car to be used by Jimmie Johnson's Hendrick Motorsports team at Richmond has been disqualified from Saturday's race because the Lowe's Chevrolet was found to be a Gulfstream G550 jet. "The No. 48 car's nose was narrower than our templates, so I can see why they thought they might get this past us, but it came in 44,800 pounds overweight, had giant wings, and wasn’t even powered by internal combustion," said Sprint Cup Series official John Darby, who acknowledged that Johnson's vehicle had been equipped with a pushrod V-8, but scrutineers discovered the engine was just sitting in the aisle and not connected to any sort of drivetrain. "We have these rules to keep the competition fair and, more to the point, to keep the drivers safe, and no roll cage, window netting, or harnesses had been put in. We wouldn't even let anyone near this thing… Nothing was done to help anyone survive a crash." NASCAR said it will investigate further before deciding on penalties, but a closer look at footage showed Johnson's car has been flying through the air most of his career.

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