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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Jimmie Johnson Disqualified After Pre-Race Inspection Reveals Car To Be Airplane

RICHMOND, VA—Following a pre-race inspection, NASCAR officials announced Friday that the car to be used by Jimmie Johnson's Hendrick Motorsports team at Richmond has been disqualified from Saturday's race because the Lowe's Chevrolet was found to be a Gulfstream G550 jet. "The No. 48 car's nose was narrower than our templates, so I can see why they thought they might get this past us, but it came in 44,800 pounds overweight, had giant wings, and wasn’t even powered by internal combustion," said Sprint Cup Series official John Darby, who acknowledged that Johnson's vehicle had been equipped with a pushrod V-8, but scrutineers discovered the engine was just sitting in the aisle and not connected to any sort of drivetrain. "We have these rules to keep the competition fair and, more to the point, to keep the drivers safe, and no roll cage, window netting, or harnesses had been put in. We wouldn't even let anyone near this thing… Nothing was done to help anyone survive a crash." NASCAR said it will investigate further before deciding on penalties, but a closer look at footage showed Johnson's car has been flying through the air most of his career.

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