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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Jimmie Johnson Forgives Lug Nut That Almost Cost Him Nextel Cup

MIAMI, FL—Following a ninth-place finish in the Ford 400 Sunday that clinched him NASCAR's Nextel Cup championship, an emotional Jimmie Johnson tearfully forgave the front lug nut that almost came loose during Lap 116. "Gol' durn it, lug nut, you… you son of a gun, you really had me scared there," said Johnson, who apologized for "getting so angry" and "saying things about the lug nut in the heat of the moment that are both untrue and not suitable to be repeated." "But I never thought for a minute you'd let me down. You're the glue that holds my tires, my car, and this great sport together—and I mean that." Johnson added that, despite earning his first career Nextel Cup win, he still may never be able to forgive the punctured radiator that ruined his chances for the title in 2004.

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