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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Jimmy Stewart: 'Please God, I Want To Live Again'

BEDFORD FALLS, NY—Legendary actor Jimmy Stewart, who died last week at age 89, begged God Monday for another chance at life. "Get me back! Get me back! I want to live again!" Stewart shouted from a snow-blown bridge. "Please God, let me live again!" Despite the impassioned plea, God decided not to permit Stewart to return to earth. His longtime guardian angel, Clarence, refused to comment, saying only, "I think I'll have another rum punch." Friends and family gathered at Stewart's home Tuesday to pay tribute, singing "Auld Lang Syne" and praising him as "the richest man in town." They denied rumors that God's decision was due to a 1929 sex scandal in which the beloved star was seen giving money to town tramp Violet Bick.

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