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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Joakim Noah Gets Some Ugly But Gutsy Yard Work Done Over The Weekend

CHICAGO—Though his neighbors said it wasn't a pretty sight, Bulls journeyman Joakim Noah reportedly put forward maximum effort while trimming hedges, fertilizing his lawn, and mulching during a workmanlike, 86-minute performance in his yard Monday. "He isn't afraid to grind it out, I'll give him that," said Edward Stanton, 46, a stockbroker who watched Noah whitewash the fence that marks the border between their lawns and confirmed he was impressed by the center's tenacity with the paint. "Not the most elegant approach I've ever seen, using his elbows like that, but he does get the job done." Meanwhile, across town, onlookers at Derrick Rose's backyard barbecue marveled as the point guard dished out 12 straight buckets of chicken.

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