Joakim Noah Gets Some Ugly But Gutsy Yard Work Done Over The Weekend

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Vol 48 Issue 17

Pilots

ABC 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST Two airline captains concoct new TV show ideas as they fly

Report: A-Rod Probably Thinking About Betting On Baseball

NEW YORK—After carefully analyzing the progression of contemptible things the Yankees third baseman has done in his career, a report released Friday by the University of Missouri's sports psychology department concluded Alex Rodriguez is most likely...

Cash Cab

Discovery 6:30 p.m. EST/5:30 p.m. CST People who can afford to take cabs get a once-in-a-lifetime shot at hundreds of dollars.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Innovation

Joakim Noah Gets Some Ugly But Gutsy Yard Work Done Over The Weekend

CHICAGO—Though his neighbors said it wasn't a pretty sight, Bulls journeyman Joakim Noah reportedly put forward maximum effort while trimming hedges, fertilizing his lawn, and mulching during a workmanlike, 86-minute performance in his yard Monday. "He isn't afraid to grind it out, I'll give him that," said Edward Stanton, 46, a stockbroker who watched Noah whitewash the fence that marks the border between their lawns and confirmed he was impressed by the center's tenacity with the paint. "Not the most elegant approach I've ever seen, using his elbows like that, but he does get the job done." Meanwhile, across town, onlookers at Derrick Rose's backyard barbecue marveled as the point guard dished out 12 straight buckets of chicken.

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