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Joakim Noah Guarantees He'll Annoy Living Fuck Out Of Heat

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Joakim Noah Guarantees He'll Annoy Living Fuck Out Of Heat

MIAMI—Following the Bulls upset of the Heat in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semifinals, Chicago center Joakim Noah boldly guaranteed Monday that he will annoy the living fuck out of Miami in this series. “Mark my words, no one on the Heat can stop me from getting in their faces and irritating them every fucking second,” said Noah, looking straight into one of the cameras and emphatically promising to single-handedly start shit with “every one of those assholes on the Heat.” “I guarantee that I’ll trash-talk after making easy layups, scream after every rebound, and howl like a fucking lunatic while driving to the hoop.” Noah, who was asked whether his words might motivate the Heat, said that the media overhyping player predictions was pretty fucking annoying, which proved that he was off to a good start.

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