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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Job Interview Tips

When you're job-hunting, getting called for an interview is only half the battle. Here are some strategies that can make you stand out during a meeting with a potential employer:

  • An interview is a negotiation, so always reject the first job offer.
  • It is essential to maintain solid eye contact all the way through to the end of your interview, even as you slowly backpedal from the table and feel behind you for the way out of the office.
  • Your interviewers will invariably ask you what your biggest strengths and weaknesses are. And although it's both an impressive skill and a pernicious vice, it's best to refrain from saying "embezzling" for either answer.
  • If asked to explain why you were let go from your last position, carefully explain it’s none of their fucking business.
  • Don't lapse into a Ted Knight voice when asked about your salary requirements.
  • Dramatically removing your wedding ring and slamming it into the trash demonstrates that no other vow shall come between you and your allegiance to the firm.
  • Chances are they’re looking for an office "bad boy" or "bad girl." Show up late, knock everything off your interviewer's desk, and say you need a dollar for the candy machine in the lobby.
  • A post-interview thank-you letter can make or break your candidacy, so make sure your stationery is branded with the Looney Tunes character that best represents your personality.
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