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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Job Interview Tips

When you're job-hunting, getting called for an interview is only half the battle. Here are some strategies that can make you stand out during a meeting with a potential employer:

  • An interview is a negotiation, so always reject the first job offer.
  • It is essential to maintain solid eye contact all the way through to the end of your interview, even as you slowly backpedal from the table and feel behind you for the way out of the office.
  • Your interviewers will invariably ask you what your biggest strengths and weaknesses are. And although it's both an impressive skill and a pernicious vice, it's best to refrain from saying "embezzling" for either answer.
  • If asked to explain why you were let go from your last position, carefully explain it’s none of their fucking business.
  • Don't lapse into a Ted Knight voice when asked about your salary requirements.
  • Dramatically removing your wedding ring and slamming it into the trash demonstrates that no other vow shall come between you and your allegiance to the firm.
  • Chances are they’re looking for an office "bad boy" or "bad girl." Show up late, knock everything off your interviewer's desk, and say you need a dollar for the candy machine in the lobby.
  • A post-interview thank-you letter can make or break your candidacy, so make sure your stationery is branded with the Looney Tunes character that best represents your personality.

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