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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Job Interview Tips

When you're job-hunting, getting called for an interview is only half the battle. Here are some strategies that can make you stand out during a meeting with a potential employer:

  • An interview is a negotiation, so always reject the first job offer.
  • It is essential to maintain solid eye contact all the way through to the end of your interview, even as you slowly backpedal from the table and feel behind you for the way out of the office.
  • Your interviewers will invariably ask you what your biggest strengths and weaknesses are. And although it's both an impressive skill and a pernicious vice, it's best to refrain from saying "embezzling" for either answer.
  • If asked to explain why you were let go from your last position, carefully explain it’s none of their fucking business.
  • Don't lapse into a Ted Knight voice when asked about your salary requirements.
  • Dramatically removing your wedding ring and slamming it into the trash demonstrates that no other vow shall come between you and your allegiance to the firm.
  • Chances are they’re looking for an office "bad boy" or "bad girl." Show up late, knock everything off your interviewer's desk, and say you need a dollar for the candy machine in the lobby.
  • A post-interview thank-you letter can make or break your candidacy, so make sure your stationery is branded with the Looney Tunes character that best represents your personality.

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