Joba Chamberlain Holds Stuffed-Animals-Only Meeting

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Vol 47 Issue 22

Point Of Story Apparently That Man Ate At Restaurant

ELYSBURG, PA—Friends of 33-year-old Dan Leski were subjected Tuesday to a detailed account of his recent visit to a restaurant, the sole point of which was apparently to communicate the fact that Leski had eaten food and then paid for it.

Educated Bigot That Much More Terrifying

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—After arguing with a well-read, articulate racist Wednesday, area man Daniel Truett described the experience as "bone-chilling," telling reporters it was far scarier than any encounter with an ignorant bigot ever could hav...
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Joba Chamberlain Holds Stuffed-Animals-Only Meeting

NEW YORK—Yankees reliever Joba Chamberlain reportedly led a stuffed-animals-only meeting on the floor of the team’s clubhouse Thursday, addressing confidants Wugsy the Bear, Cuddly Monkey, Fluff Fluff the Kitty, and Tiny Horsey. “Nobody else gets to come because they’re too mean and won’t let me be a starting pitcher, and they don’t get a special treat,” said Chamberlain, pretending to eat “strawberry pie sandwiches,” which he also fed to each of the stuffed animals. “You guys all want me in the starting rotation, right? Yes, Tiny Horsey, I am the best thrower on the Yankees. Thank you for saying that. We don’t need those other jerks. We can start our own Yankees right here.” According to sources, the 45-minute stuffed-animals-only meeting adjourned when Yankees manager Joe Girardi announced that it was time for Chamberlain’s bath.

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