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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Joe Buck Walks In On Troy Aikman Covering NFL Game With Another Man

MINNEAPOLIS—Fox play-by-play announcer Joe Buck claimed to be overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy, betrayal, and grief Sunday after catching color commentator Troy Aikman covering the Packers-Vikings game with another man. "Troy? Troy! I can't believe you would do this to me after insisting I was the only broadcasting partner you ever wanted or needed," said Buck, who walked in on Aikman and play-by-play announcer Thom Brennaman intimately discussing Vikings rookie quarterback Christian Ponder's first NFL start. "The second I'm away you're hopping into the booth with…with some guy? Some guy who could never describe a 6-yard carry by running back James Starks the way I can? Does he know that you prefer it when I say the 'ball carrier burst through a huge hole'? I trusted you, Troy, but here you are sharing footage of your rookie season with some man you don't even know." Sources confirmed Aikman repeatedly apologized to Buck, saying, "It's not what it looks like," while putting on his pants.

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