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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Joe DiMaggio's Diary Just A List Of Things, People He Hated

NEW YORK—Upon closer examination, a 2,400-page, 29-volume diary kept by New York Yankees centerfielder Joe DiMaggio from 1982 to 1993 is merely a listing of all the things and people the Hall of Famer hated, archivists charged with determining the diary's authenticity reported Monday. "Jukeboxes, dollar stores, Paul Simon, Washington, D.C., speaking, Garth Brooks, myself, and automobiles. Also sore throats, Yogi Berra, films, Lee Iacocca, coffeemakers, anyone who has ever referred to me as 'Joltin',' sandals, baseball," read the entry dated July 14, 1992. "I hate all of that. Plus my neighbor Janet, who is another one of those hateful attractive blondes." In an entry from Nov. 15, 1987, DiMaggio wrote that last names that include two capital letters were "frustrating" and "something I hate."

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