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Joe Flacco

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Joe Flacco

Ravens Quarterback

Strength: Teammates; Complete lack of control of arm strength and accuracy make conditions for lucky throws perfect; Does pretty hilarious impression of a quarterback

Weakness: Tends to trick self with fake handoffs; Compulsive need to touch football on every offensive play drives teammates crazy

Awareness: Highly accurate at pointing out the blitzing defender who will sack him

Athletic Ability: Elusiveness to successfully evade praise, respect, or adoration

Skill: Amazing at pulling incredibly lucky touchdowns out of his ass

Favorite Word To Shout Pre-Snap: Rover

Toughness: Willing to play through excruciating pain of a deeply bruised ego

NEXT: Anquan Boldin

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