adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Joe Flacco Silences Supporters Once And For All With Terrible Fourth-Quarter Performance

BALTIMORE—Following an anemic late-game performance against the Eagles last weekend, Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco confidently told reporters Thursday that he has now conclusively silenced all of his supporters. “I heard plenty of fans and journalists going off about how great I was after our win against the Bengals, but I don’t hear anyone talking now,” said Flacco, adding that his 2-for-7, 21-yard outing on the last drive of the game with his team down by one point should “shut up all those loudmouths once and for all.” “Maybe now they’ll think twice before saying I’m an elite quarterback who can lead my team to a Super Bowl. I’m sick and tired of hearing that nonsense, and now I can finally just put it all behind me.” In response to Flacco’s comments, Ravens head coach John Harbaugh also came out in strong support of the fifth-year quarterback’s complete lack of ability.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close