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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Joe Maddon Working On Creating Cool New Infield Position

ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Saying he finds the defensive positioning that has been standard in baseball for well over 100 years "staid" and "primitive," Rays manager Joe Maddon revealed Monday he is deep in the process of creating an exciting new infield position for his team. "It's going to be called 'thwartstop,'" said Maddon, who has been working on the position off and on since abandoning efforts to reimagine the left fielder role in the late 1990s. "I haven't worked out all the kinks, but basically you use one less outfielder, and the thwartstop plays in a different part of the infield for each batter, standing in the exact spot spray charts show the batter is most likely to hit the ball." He later showed reporters a special prototype thwartstop glove he has been sewing and divulged that he offered Evan Longoria $500 to star in a instructional video series about the new position that Maddon is self-producing.

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