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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Joe Montana To Lose One Super Bowl Ring For Every Dumb Product He Endorses

NEW YORK—After years of sitting idly by as Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana lent his name to Tombstone frozen pizza, McCormick spices and marinades, and now Skechers Shape-ups, a frustrated NFL announced yesterday that from now on Montana will forfeit one Super Bowl ring for every stupid product he endorses. "After watching the latest commercial, in which Joe Montana conducts a mock press conference and credits Skechers Shape-Ups with strengthening his back and legs and giving him the confidence to return to the NFL, we realized we had to take drastic action," said Commissioner Roger Goodell, who later pleaded, "Come on, Joe, it's a damn gimmick shoe for Christ's sake." "If we see Mr. Montana appearing in another Kraft Quarterback Cook-Off, that's one Super Bowl ring. A new ab machine, that's another Super Bowl ring. And, if he endorses more than four stupid products or releases another Skechers commercial, for his own good and the good of the game we'll start confiscating MVP awards." Goodell added that Joe Montana Sports Talk Football for the Sega Genesis will always hold a special place in the NFL's heart and will not be considered a stupid Montana endorsement.

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