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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Joe Paterno's Name To Remain On Joe Paterno Center For Covering Up Sexual Abuse

STATE COLLEGE, PA—Despite mounting pressure following revelations that Joe Paterno helped bury allegations of child abuse against Jerry Sandusky, Penn State University announced Monday that it had voted not to remove the late football coach's name from the Joe Paterno Center for Covering Up Sexual Abuse. "For years, the Joe Paterno Center for Covering Up Sexual Abuse has been at the heart of our athletic program and a revered landmark on the Penn State campus," the university's board of trustees wrote in an official statement on the future of the center, which continues to be funded by the school as well as by donations from fans and alumni. "JoePa built this place from the ground up, and we’re not going to turn our backs on that. This facility is a monument to everything he did for our football team, our university, and our community." The statement also confirmed there were no plans to rename the Joe Paterno Hall of Willful Ignorance, the Joe Paterno Foundation for Raising Football Coaches to the Status of Gods, or the Joe Paterno Institute for the Study of Public Relations Damage Control.

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