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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Joe Torre Signs Classiest Contract In Managerial History

LOS ANGELES—With an easy smile and an elegant stroke of his Mont Blanc fountain pen, newly hired Los Angeles Dodgers manager and beacon of effortless masculinity Joe Torre radiated unmatched polish last week while signing what many baseball experts are calling "the classiest contract in managerial history," agreeing with poise and savoir-faire, to a three-year, $13 million deal. "There was a certain pride factor I associated with the Dodgers," said the confident, yet self-assured Torre, whose rare blend of finesse, dignity, and quiet élan left the assembled media both utterly at ease and in a state of complete and total admiration. "You say goodbye to one prestigious organization, and say hello to another prestigious organization." Upon viewing Torre's masterful display, baseball experts across the nation were forced to agree that "now that is class."

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