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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Joel Siegel 'Absolutely Loved' Dream He Had Last Night

NEW YORK—Good Morning America film critic Joel Siegel "absolutely loved" the dream he had last night, he announced today. "A breathtaking spectacle from the moment my head hit the pillow! My subconscious has done it again!" said Siegel of the 88-minute family action-comedy period romance, told largely through flashbacks and gala musical numbers. "George Clooney, Audrey Hepburn, Rock Hudson, and Aunt Helen all sparkled, whether they were playing themselves or me! The chase scene with Steve McQueen, the all-old-gym-teacher revue, and the giant fanged eggplant nearly brought the house down! Three stars out of four." Siegel has recently criticized Dreamland, calling for less sex and violence, and more wholesome themes in its nightly offerings.

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