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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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John Boehner Calls For National Guard To Deal With Illegal Immigrants Hiding In Mexico

WASHINGTON—Saying it was time to aggressively act before their numbers became too large to control, House Speaker John Boehner called for the National Guard to be deployed to deal with the millions of illegal immigrants currently hiding in Mexico, sources said Monday. “There are more than 120 million illegal immigrants in Mexico, all of whom continue to evade authorities and flout the laws of the United States every day—it’s time to get tough,” said Boehner, conceding that even robust National Guard intervention may be insufficient to deter the growth of undocumented workers living south of the border. “We need the strongest measures possible if we’re to have any hope of keeping illegal immigrants in Mexico City or Juarez from simply gobbling up American jobs.” Boehner went on to say that his remarks applied only to illegal immigrants and not to Mexicans who chose to live in Mexico lawfully.

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