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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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John Boehner’s Wife Calls For Her Shutdown King To Come Back To Bed

WASHINGTON—As her husband worked late into the night devising a strategy to negotiate the ongoing budget crisis that has ground Washington to a halt, the wife of House Speaker John Boehner called for her big, strong Shutdown King to come back to bed, sources confirmed early Monday morning. “It sounds like my Mr. Powerful Shutdown King is working awfully hard; maybe he needs something to help him take his mind off his kingly duties?” a negligee-wearing Deborah Boehner playfully called out from the couple’s bedroom, urging “His Majesty” to turn off his phone for five minutes and join her in their royal chamber. “My mighty deadlock leader has brought the federal government to its knees, but maybe now he can take his scepter and do the same to his Shutdown Queen? Your wish is my command, sire.” At press time, Boehner was mumbling “not now” under his breath.

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