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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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John Boehner’s Wife Calls For Her Shutdown King To Come Back To Bed

WASHINGTON—As her husband worked late into the night devising a strategy to negotiate the ongoing budget crisis that has ground Washington to a halt, the wife of House Speaker John Boehner called for her big, strong Shutdown King to come back to bed, sources confirmed early Monday morning. “It sounds like my Mr. Powerful Shutdown King is working awfully hard; maybe he needs something to help him take his mind off his kingly duties?” a negligee-wearing Deborah Boehner playfully called out from the couple’s bedroom, urging “His Majesty” to turn off his phone for five minutes and join her in their royal chamber. “My mighty deadlock leader has brought the federal government to its knees, but maybe now he can take his scepter and do the same to his Shutdown Queen? Your wish is my command, sire.” At press time, Boehner was mumbling “not now” under his breath.

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