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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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John Edwards Pays $30 To Register Edwards2016.com Just In Case

CHAPEL HILL, NC—Disgraced former senator and democratic presidential candidate John Edwards told reporters Friday that while he has no plans to run for president in 2016, he has nonetheless registered Edwards2016.com because "you never know." "I'm definitely not going to run—it's completely out of the question—but it never hurts to keep your options open," said Edwards, whose political career effectively ended after it was revealed that he had fathered a child with a former campaign worker while his wife was dying of breast cancer. "It's only 30 bucks, so I figured, why not? Better safe than sorry." According to Edwards, if he does run, which he adamantly stated he was not going to do, he's already got a few campaign slogan ideas he brainstormed "just for the hell of it."

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