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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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John Fox

Coach, Denver Broncos

Strength: Product of the famed Jim Fassel coaching tree

Weaknesses: Can’t win without all-time great like Peyton Manning or Jake Delhomme; Struggles in cold-weather coaching conditions; Requires new aortic valve replacement two to three times per game; Deaf and mute

Skill: Quick, elegant coaching mechanics

Style: Perplexed oaf

Embarrassing Secret: Thought it was called “line of spinach” until just last year

Job He Would Have If He Wasn’t An NFL Head Coach: Assistant head coach

Coaching Philosophy: West Coast nihilist

Goals: Headset that actually plugs in

NEXT: Peyton Manning

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