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John Fox

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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John Fox

Coach, Denver Broncos

Strength: Product of the famed Jim Fassel coaching tree

Weaknesses: Can’t win without all-time great like Peyton Manning or Jake Delhomme; Struggles in cold-weather coaching conditions; Requires new aortic valve replacement two to three times per game; Deaf and mute

Skill: Quick, elegant coaching mechanics

Style: Perplexed oaf

Embarrassing Secret: Thought it was called “line of spinach” until just last year

Job He Would Have If He Wasn’t An NFL Head Coach: Assistant head coach

Coaching Philosophy: West Coast nihilist

Goals: Headset that actually plugs in

NEXT: Peyton Manning

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