John Fox

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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John Fox

Coach, Denver Broncos

Strength: Product of the famed Jim Fassel coaching tree

Weaknesses: Can’t win without all-time great like Peyton Manning or Jake Delhomme; Struggles in cold-weather coaching conditions; Requires new aortic valve replacement two to three times per game; Deaf and mute

Skill: Quick, elegant coaching mechanics

Style: Perplexed oaf

Embarrassing Secret: Thought it was called “line of spinach” until just last year

Job He Would Have If He Wasn’t An NFL Head Coach: Assistant head coach

Coaching Philosophy: West Coast nihilist

Goals: Headset that actually plugs in

NEXT: Peyton Manning

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