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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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John Henson, Craig Kilborn Meet For Historic Smug-Bastard Summit

NEW YORK—Talk Soup host John Henson and The Daily Show anchor Craig Kilborn arrived Monday at New York's Jacob Javits Center for the historic, first annual Smug Bastard Summit. "Well, bend me over your knee and spank me crimson, daddy, I'm just so excited about this summit," a smirking, skunk-haired Henson told reporters during the summit's opening press conference. A wry Kilborn concurred, adding, "This summit, of course, now holds the distinction of being the only annual gathering of complete pricks not to take place at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion." Kilborn then paused for several seconds to let his witticism "sink in."

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