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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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John Henson, Craig Kilborn Meet For Historic Smug-Bastard Summit

NEW YORK—Talk Soup host John Henson and The Daily Show anchor Craig Kilborn arrived Monday at New York's Jacob Javits Center for the historic, first annual Smug Bastard Summit. "Well, bend me over your knee and spank me crimson, daddy, I'm just so excited about this summit," a smirking, skunk-haired Henson told reporters during the summit's opening press conference. A wry Kilborn concurred, adding, "This summit, of course, now holds the distinction of being the only annual gathering of complete pricks not to take place at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion." Kilborn then paused for several seconds to let his witticism "sink in."

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