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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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John Madden Agrees To Work As Consultant For Raiders Concession Stand

OAKLAND, CA—As Raiders owner Mark Davis reaches out for advisers in the wake of his father Al Davis' death, the team's front office confirmed Tuesday that former coach John Madden has agreed to come back to Oakland and serve as a consultant for stadium concessions. "The Raiders have a lot of good pieces already in place—cheeseburgers, hot dogs, popcorn, ice cream—but I want to help them think of new opportunities," said Madden, holding a binder labeled "playbook" and smeared with nacho-cheese residue. "I mean, you've got all that butter and relish lying around and they're not even using their imagination. They've got two locations for burritos, which I love, but neither of them are sticking Italian sausages inside there. You take that sausage-stuffed burrito, wrap it in bacon, and deep-fry it—now you're talking about real stadium concessions." While expressing appreciation to Madden, who has lent his services free of charge, Raiders management admitted the former NFL analyst has cost the organization nearly $1,200 per day in food and food-prep labor.

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