adBlockCheck

Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

John McCain Not Going To Ask Cindy McCain Twice

WASHINGTON—While traveling on his campaign bus yesterday, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) took a moment to forcefully reiterate his official position of not asking wife Cindy McCain a second time. After referring to his history as a "straight-talker" and a man who has been "to hell and back" as a POW in Vietnam, McCain explained that his simple request was both clear and reasonable and ought to be easy enough to carry out. As silent reporters looked on, McCain then stressed that he has been consistent on this issue every single day of their long, 28-year marriage, smiled, and placed his hand firmly on his wife's left knee, looking her directly in the eyes the whole time. At press time, the campaign bus was turning around to head back to the goddamn McDonald's drive-thru.

More from this section

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close