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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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John Smoltz Somehow Winds Up In Home Run Derby

ST. LOUIS—Following the announcement of the 25th annual Home Run Derby lineup Tuesday, injured Red Sox pitcher John Smoltz was perplexed to hear he had been selected from among baseball's top sluggers as one of the eight players to compete. "I don't really see how that's possible. I've been recovering from shoulder surgery for most of the season, and as a member of the American League, I won't even be batting this year," said Smoltz, a lifetime .160 hitter with five career home runs. "Hitting home runs is hard for me. Why is this happening?" Smoltz crushed 26 dingers in a batting practice session that afternoon.

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