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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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John Starks Leads Knicks To Victory In Promotional 1994 Roster Night

NEW YORK—Along with Fan Appreciation Night and Continental Monthly Planner Giveaway Night, the Knicks' attempt to increase fan attendance with its promotional 1994 Roster Night has proved successful, with 43-year-old backup shooting guard John Starks leading the team to a 108-106 victory over the Miami Heat. "1994 Night is a great way for fans to experience the game as if it were happening 15 years ago, and John [Starks] really came through in the clutch with those last two three-pointers," said Howard Jacobs, the Knicks' senior vice president of sports marketing. "The crowd really enjoyed seeing [Patrick] Ewing make one of his signature fadeaways, and though [Charles] Oakley and [Anthony] Mason weren't as dominant on the boards as they once were, they came through with some big free throws. The fans seemed to be happier than usual tonight." 1951 Roster Night was markedly less successful, as the Knicks forfeited the game when only four members of the team were healthy enough to travel to Madison Square Garden.

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