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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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John Stockton Assists Hall Of Fame Officials In Setting Up Induction Ceremony

SPRINGFIELD, MA—Saying he just wanted to do whatever he could to make it a great event, all-time NBA assists leader John Stockton arrived several hours early to the NBA Hall of Fame induction ceremony Friday in order to help set up the PA system, construct the stage, and hang banners and posters throughout the room. "Just have to finish filling out all these name cards, and then I can get back behind the lighting booth," said Stockton, who folded a record 62 table linens Friday night and accrued 3,265 career steals. "Boy, this mic sounds a little hot. We should talk to Jerry about switching it out. Coffee's ready!" According to sources, Stockton, who wore a full tuxedo throughout the ceremony, left immediately afterward to "pitch in" at a fundraising event at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston.

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