WESTWOOD, CA—In a deft and ruthless display of the utmost cunning, local woman Anne Kaminski added the phrase ‘No gifts, please’ to the bottom of her birthday party invitation, sources confirmed Friday.
NEW YORK—According to sources close to the eccentric Yankee centerfielder, Johnny Damon is in all likelihood considering getting together with a few of his teammates and forming a band. "He's probably already making flyers to hang in the clubhouse in search of someone who can play drums or 'a mean bass,' and he's almost certainly thinking about approaching [classically trained guitarist] Bernie Williams to ask if he'd like to jam sometime," said former Red Sox teammate Jason Varitek, who recalled Damon's attempt last summer to organize a team-wide Texas Hold 'Em tournament. "If I know Johnny, he's currently brainstorming band names, which he's likely narrowed down to The Yankee Clippers, Hit & Run, O.P.S., and Johnny D. And The Pinstripers." The suspicion voiced by Varitek and countless others regarding Damon's interest in starting a band was basically confirmed Monday, when Damon suggested that the Yankees trade for Reds pitcher and recording artist Bronson Arroyo.