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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Johnny Damon Probably Thinking About Starting A Band

NEW YORK—According to sources close to the eccentric Yankee centerfielder, Johnny Damon is in all likelihood considering getting together with a few of his teammates and forming a band. "He's probably already making flyers to hang in the clubhouse in search of someone who can play drums or 'a mean bass,' and he's almost certainly thinking about approaching [classically trained guitarist] Bernie Williams to ask if he'd like to jam sometime," said former Red Sox teammate Jason Varitek, who recalled Damon's attempt last summer to organize a team-wide Texas Hold 'Em tournament. "If I know Johnny, he's currently brainstorming band names, which he's likely narrowed down to The Yankee Clippers, Hit & Run, O.P.S., and Johnny D. And The Pinstripers." The suspicion voiced by Varitek and countless others regarding Damon's interest in starting a band was basically confirmed Monday, when Damon suggested that the Yankees trade for Reds pitcher and recording artist Bronson Arroyo.

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