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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Johnson & Johnson Introduces Self-Lotioning Baby

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Responding to increased demands for easily moisturized infants, the Johnson & Johnson pharmaceutical com≠pany unveiled its latest product Monday, a self-lotioning baby. "Parents no longer have to worry about manually lubricating their newborn infants," said spokesman Dale Rosteroz, adding that to receive a self-lotioning baby, couples need only mail in their sperm, an egg, and specify if they want their baby to secrete lavender or unscented lotion. "Nine months later, we'll send them a baby who can produce up to 40 fluid ounces of dermatologist-tested and dye-free lotion every month." Rosteroz added that if parents act now they will receive 10 percent off a Johnson & Johnson bronchial atomizer to remove the lotion that will inevitably build up in the baby's lungs.

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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