adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Join The Campaign Against Laura Miller, Spanish Teacher, Traitor

With the help of viewers like you, the Onion News Network was able to join the fight of patriot Kyle Johnson and get his Spanish teacher Laura Miller fired. But is firing Senorita Miller punishment enough for poisoning the minds of American high school students with the foreign tongue of illegal immigrants? I don't THINK so. Justice will not be served until Senorita Miller is either deported to Mexico, the country she's actually loyal to, or is made to answer for her crimes in a court of law. That's right, contact your Congressman and tell him that Senorita Miller should be tried for TREASON as an ENEMY of the American Republic.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close