Join The Campaign Against Laura Miller, Spanish Teacher, Traitor

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

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TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Join The Campaign Against Laura Miller, Spanish Teacher, Traitor

With the help of viewers like you, the Onion News Network was able to join the fight of patriot Kyle Johnson and get his Spanish teacher Laura Miller fired. But is firing Senorita Miller punishment enough for poisoning the minds of American high school students with the foreign tongue of illegal immigrants? I don't THINK so. Justice will not be served until Senorita Miller is either deported to Mexico, the country she's actually loyal to, or is made to answer for her crimes in a court of law. That's right, contact your Congressman and tell him that Senorita Miller should be tried for TREASON as an ENEMY of the American Republic.

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