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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Joint Chiefs Chairman Pretty Sure He Could Pull Off Junta If He Really Wanted To

WASHINGTON—While stressing that he has no plans to mount such an insurrection, Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman Martin Dempsey told reporters Friday that if he really wanted to, he could probably carry out a sweeping military junta that would oust President Obama from power. “I’m just saying, there are seven joint chiefs, we all have extensive military training, and we spend a lot of time behind closed doors with the president,” said Gen. Dempsey, adding that the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that, if he had a mind to do such a thing, installing a military dictatorship “wouldn’t be all that difficult.” “There really are no insurmountable barriers to eliminating him, declaring martial law, and having tanks on the White House lawn by the end of the day. I can’t say that I’m interested in making myself the ruler of a 300-million-person police state, but it certainly would be easier to do than a lot of people think.” Dempsey went on to state that the nation’s various police forces and local militia movements would also “pose no significant threat.”

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