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Jon Hamm To Overenthusiastic Fan: 'You're Ruining Me For Everyone'

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Jon Hamm To Overenthusiastic Fan: 'You're Ruining Me For Everyone'

NEW YORK—A visibly exasperated Jon Hamm, star of the hit AMC series Mad Men, announced Monday that overly exuberant fan Marla Parker was ruining him for everybody else by constantly blathering about his talent and good looks. "Take it easy, you're starting to really annoy people," said Hamm, who told reporters he risks a public backlash if Parker keeps mentioning to her coworkers that, in addition to being a gifted dramatic actor, he's also very funny. "I'm not irritating, but people will start to think I am because you're so irritating. People associate me with you now. Please shut up." Hamm closed his remarks by urging Parker to devote her attentions to someone who would appreciate it, such as actor Nathan Fillion.

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