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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Jonathan Franzen Rushes Over To Guy On Subway Reading 'The Corrections' To Introduce Himself

NEW YORK—After noticing a fellow passenger reading his critically acclaimed 2001 novel The Corrections on an uptown-bound 1 train, sources reported author Jonathan Franzen excitedly rushed over to the reader to shake his hand and introduce himself. “Hi, I’m Jonathan!” said the giddy 53-year-old American novelist as he bent down to retrieve groceries from a woman’s bag that he had knocked over in his frantic dash to intercept the reader. “Sorry to bother you, but I just saw that you’re reading The Corrections. I wrote that book! God, it’s so cool that you’re reading it. Do you like it? Hey, any chance you’d like to hang out sometime?” According to sources, Franzen spent the remainder of the train ride staring directly into the fellow passenger’s eyes with a large grin on his face.

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