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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Jonathan Franzen Rushes Over To Guy On Subway Reading 'The Corrections' To Introduce Himself

NEW YORK—After noticing a fellow passenger reading his critically acclaimed 2001 novel The Corrections on an uptown-bound 1 train, sources reported author Jonathan Franzen excitedly rushed over to the reader to shake his hand and introduce himself. “Hi, I’m Jonathan!” said the giddy 53-year-old American novelist as he bent down to retrieve groceries from a woman’s bag that he had knocked over in his frantic dash to intercept the reader. “Sorry to bother you, but I just saw that you’re reading The Corrections. I wrote that book! God, it’s so cool that you’re reading it. Do you like it? Hey, any chance you’d like to hang out sometime?” According to sources, Franzen spent the remainder of the train ride staring directly into the fellow passenger’s eyes with a large grin on his face.

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