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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Jose Canseco Composes Opera About Steroids

NEW YORK—Just days after the publication of Vindicated, his second book concerning the use of steroids in professional baseball, former steroid-using baseball player and current steroid-awareness advocate Jose Canseco has debuted La Anabolica, an opera concerning the use of steroids in professional baseball. "I've done books, interviews, public speaking appearances, improv, and theater-in-the-round on the theme of steroids, and I was looking for something fresh and new, " Canseco said from the stage of the Met. "I think my libretto—especially the climactic scene in which fair Don Giambi is tempted to use the magic golden steroids to defeat evil knights Die Rosensox and their enchanted beast Il Monsto Verde—is exactly what is needed to bring the message of steroids in baseball to a new audience." Critics have not been kind to La Anabolica, noting that "the lyrics mostly consist of the word 'steroids' chanted over and over" and that "the ending, which occurs as a steroid-enhanced fat lady sings, is doubly and almost impossibly clichéd."

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