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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Josh Hamilton Apologizes For Not Calling Sports Media Immediately After Relapse

'I Let A Lot Of Nationally Syndicated Columnists Down,' Says Slugger

DALLAS—Texas Rangers All-Star outfielder and former alcoholic Josh Hamilton held a press conference Friday to issue an apology to the mainstream sports media for not immediately thinking of them after suffering a relapse last week. "After this happened, I selfishly put myself and my family first, when in reality I owe you guys more than that," said Hamilton, gesturing to the horde of reporters who quickly began peppering him with an onslaught of personal questions. "The media has always been supportive and understanding with me, and all athletes for that matter, when dealing with sensitive issues like these. And to ESPN, especially, I'd like to say I know all you want is for me to get better, so to you, I am most sorry of all." Hamilton concluded the press conference by detailing when and where he would be seeking treatment, and requesting as much public exposure as possible during this trying time.

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