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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Josh Hamilton Relieved He Made It Through Entire Season Without Killing A Fan

ARLINGTON, TX—Despite a wild-card loss to the Orioles that officially ended the Rangers season last week, outfielder Josh Hamilton told reporters Friday that he personally considered the season an immense success considering he made it through 163 games without killing a fan. “There’s a part of me that’s relieved we lost, because I was starting to feel like I was due,” said Hamilton, adding that he had a couple close calls this year, including a hard-hit foul ball in August and nearly backing over a stroller with his car after a game in June. “They say you just need to put it out of your head, but when you accidentally kill a father at a game with his son, how can you come up to bat without thinking, ‘Here we go again’? Even my home runs had me holding my breath until I saw them safely land without any bloodshed.” The five-time All Star, who enters free agency this offseason, said his top priorities are a long-term contract and playing for a team that has at least 4-and-a-half foot tall railings surrounding the entire upper deck.

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