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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Josh Hamilton Relieved He Made It Through Entire Season Without Killing A Fan

ARLINGTON, TX—Despite a wild-card loss to the Orioles that officially ended the Rangers season last week, outfielder Josh Hamilton told reporters Friday that he personally considered the season an immense success considering he made it through 163 games without killing a fan. “There’s a part of me that’s relieved we lost, because I was starting to feel like I was due,” said Hamilton, adding that he had a couple close calls this year, including a hard-hit foul ball in August and nearly backing over a stroller with his car after a game in June. “They say you just need to put it out of your head, but when you accidentally kill a father at a game with his son, how can you come up to bat without thinking, ‘Here we go again’? Even my home runs had me holding my breath until I saw them safely land without any bloodshed.” The five-time All Star, who enters free agency this offseason, said his top priorities are a long-term contract and playing for a team that has at least 4-and-a-half foot tall railings surrounding the entire upper deck.

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