adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Josh Smith Claims He Once Saw Hawk Carry Away Basketball In Talons

ATLANTA—Hawks forward Josh Smith regaled his teammates Wednesday with a story about how he once watched a red-tailed hawk swoop down, grab a loose basketball in its razor sharp talons, and fly away. "It was crazy, because the ball was rolling across the court really fast, and then I heard this loud screeching sound and all of a sudden this hawk dives down and snatches it up before it goes out of bounds," said Smith, adding that hawks build nests in the rafters of every NBA arena. "And then it flew off to the upper deck, where it landed by some empty seats and started tearing apart the basketball with its beak." Smith told his teammates that if they look closely at the court after each NBA game, they should be able to see hawk droppings containing undigested pieces of basketball.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close